Claudia

Wedding dilemma

2008-08-15T23:46:18Z

Okay, so Steve and I finally decided on a date for the wedding...October 10, 2009. Yup, it's far away, but it worked best with our schedules.

Mom turns 60 next year and wanted to family to join her in Holland for this amazing 4-day walk thingy, then a cruise somewhere around Europe. So, Steve would have to take 2 weeks of vacation time for that. That knocked out having the wedding during Spring Break or even the summer. So we picked October, but he still wouldn't have enough days for a proper honeymoon. We really want to go to Costa Rica, and apparently October is an extremely rainy month for Costa Rica. Not good. So we would get married in October, take a few days off to go to a mountain resort, then take a proper honeymoon in April over Spring Break (2010).

Now my mother has cancelled her trip to Holland b/c she figured it was way too much work to get the family coordinated and the trip coordinated. We would also have to train for months for this walk. And I think she felt bad that we had to work our wedding plans around her birthday. So, now all dates are open.

What do you think? We could try to get it all together by April and take a honeymoon in Costa Rica, but we would be rushed and might not get our first choice of where we got married. Also, some family might not be able to make it since it's during the school year....and my cousin's wife will have just given birth, so they're not going to be able to come.

Second choice is get married over the summer, but it's hella hot and we wouldn't be able to go to Costa Rica b/c it would be very rainy and muggy (it rains like 25 inches a month in June!). So, we would have to go somewhere else for our honeymoon, or delay it.

3rd choice is stick with original plan. We still wouldn't want to go to Costa Rica then.

I kinda feel like either April or the summer is the best bet. I kinda don't want to have to wait until October to get married, and I would love to have an actual honeymoon after the wedding. It would be anti-climactic if we didn't have one.

So I dunno. Steve and I are going to look at some places tomorrow and see where we like. Then we'll see what dates they have available.

Oh, and if we get married earlier, it means I have to start shopping for my wedding dress NOW!!! Which means major diet starts now. I've already started the diet, but I would have to be hardcore.

I don't know. Help me decide.

I have a problem

2008-07-16T19:28:48Z

Yup, it's a big one. I need to fix this problem soon or Steve is going to kill me.

I can't stop crying.

Last week I had a bit of a breakdown where I cried for like the entire day. I cried over the fact that I am becoming an adult and there is so turning back now. I'm getting married. I'm buying a house. I felt my freedoms have already been squashed. So I freaked out. Steve held me and let me cry.

Now I can't stop crying over wedding things. Everytime I see something on TV about weddings, I cry. I cried while watching "Engaged and Underage" on MTV. I cried when those 19-year old lesbians said their vows. I watch "Say Yes to the Dress" and I cry when the couples tell about how they met. Last night my realtor asked me how Steve and I met, and I could barely tell the story without crying. I read bridal magazines and look at the song suggestions they have for first dances, and I start to tear up.

So the wedding is probably going to be in over a year. I can't be crying for an entire year!!! I won't be able to shop for a wedding dress or even invitations without crying!!!

I told Steve about this and he said I need to take classes to teach me how not to cry. I mean, when we get married, I'm going to be walking down the aisle, tears flowing, nose sniffling, blowing my nose on the lovely hankie that I embroidered. I won't be able to get through our vows!!! When I think about it, I start tearing up. That's not good. It kinda makes me want to get married sooner so I won't have to keep crying!!! Maybe I can cry a whole bunch the week before my wedding and get all my tears out of my system. Does it work that way? Can you ever run out of tears?

Well, hopefully I can stop crying. Maybe I'll just make a spreadsheet and get down to the nitty-gritty of the wedding. That might help. Maybe my type A part of my personality can come out and save me from my tears.

I think I'll cry no matter what. I'm just so excited to get married to Steve. Maybe we'll be like Heidi Klum and Seal and renew our vows every year, so I can get all that romantic crying stuff out of the way every year.

Okay, onto making my spreadsheet. Maybe I can stop crying. We'll see.

Mrs. Osler

2008-07-01T20:37:43Z

I got my ring sized down yesterday. Steve was paranoid that it was going to fall off after seeing my brother-in-law lose his ring in the snow. Now it's not going anywhere.

But I get to the store where Steve bought the ring. The lady asked me the last night on the account and I answer with "Osler." The lady in charge of repairs came out and asked, "Mrs. Osler?" I then proudly replied, "Mrs. Osler-to-be."

It felt good being called Mrs. Osler. That is going to be my name one day. I felt so grown-up and important then.

Well, the future Mrs. Osler is going to Florida to hang out with her future in-laws. This should be interesting. It'll be me, Steve, his parent, his brother Drew with his girlfriend Pam, and his brother George with his wife Tiffany. Thankfully Steve and I are staying in a hotel some nights so we are not completely crowded at his parents' house.

Maybe George will get drunk and repeat the Cake Incident of 2007.

I can only hope.

Wedding Dress Woes

2008-06-30T18:36:34Z

I think Steve and I have picked a date for our wedding. It's going to be sometime in October, 2009. I think. That might change.

But this week I was in Montreal with the family and my cousin Lucie and my sister decided to take me shopping for wedding dresses. This will have been my very first time shopping for wedding dresses. I've tried on a few before, either for Halloween or when I was helping Meghan buy hers. But I spent a week going through bridal magazines with Tania, ripping out photos of dresses, invitations, and bouquets. Meghan bought me a Bridal Bargains book, which actually freaked me out. I got so scared that I would end up with a cheap, horrible wedding dress and end up spending $800 on it and not being happy.

I thought I was prepared.

We went to the first store and the lady at the store had me look through a catalogue and point out which ones I liked. There wasn't much. I know I am going for more of a casual wedding. Steve is going to wear a suit, not a tuxedo. We're not fancy people. We never have been and we probably never will be. We don't have designer labels on anything. Steve's wardrobe is made up of t-shirts and Gap shirts. I would love to live my life in jeans, a tank top, and some flip-flops. All the dresses in the catalogue were over the top with beading and embroidery and bustling. They were all too much. I felt bad telling this lady I didn't like many of her dresses.

I try on my first dress. It's very simple, a sheath dress perfect for the beach. I loved it, even though I could see my green and black panties through the dress. Oh well. Tania, Lucie, and the salesperson did not like it, saying it was too simple. I loved it, despite the fact it looked kinda cheap. I try on an A-line dress with a beaded and laced bodice. It hurt to put on. My boobs are still scratched from it. Everyone oohed and ahhed over it. I wanted to rip it off. I hated it. The bodice was so thick and I felt like I was wearing cardboard. They put a veil on me, then a tiara, then a necklace. I didn't want to look at myself in the mirror. When I did, it didn't look like me. I felt so weird and so out of place. I got depressed.

I went to another store and didn't find anything. I tried on a bridesmaid dress that was under $300 that they could get in white or off-white. It was nice, but it was just cheap. I didn't want to walk down the aisle in a bridesmaid dress. I wanted to walk down the aisle in a wedding dress.

We had lunch. I ate fattening food despite the fact that you could see every bump in my ass in some of the dresses. The poutine was yummy.

The last store. We walk upstairs and there on a mannequin was this beautiful dress made out of raw silk. It had no beading or lace or anything, except on the straps. It had a full skirt and had a very simple top. It was beautiful. I tried it on and it was a size 8, so it did not fit. The salesperson said sher would give it to me for $700 and I could put laces in the back. It was beautiful. The fabric was raw silk!!! It was real quality. But it still wasn't right. It didn't feel like me. It was fancy and I felt like Steve would have to wear a tuxedo and we would have to change our wedding ideas.

So I came home depressed. I took out all the magazine pictures and let Steve look at them. He picked out a few dresses he would love to see me in. Let me tell you, I love that man. We are so perfect for each other b/c he picked out the ones that had simple lines and that were either lace or cotton. These dresses went perfectly with the informal wedding we had planned. It confirmed to me that I need to pick a dress that I love and not worry what other people say. Steve and I know who we are as people and I am not going to let anyone sway me from that idea. I know what I like. I know that whatever I pick, Steve will find stunning.

The only problem now is finding one that is in my budget. It looks like I'm going to have to save some money now. Ouch.

Wish me luck.

First apartment purchase!

2007-08-07T21:24:58Z

I know it's been awhile. I've been busy....or just not interested in writing on here anymore. But last night I was sitting at my computer trying to come up with things to put in Steve and my "One Year" box and wished I had documented everything we did together so I could remember. Damn this bad memory. Damn this lack of livejournal desire. So, here is the beginning of my documentation. You think I'd have learned something in grad school about documenting to cover my ass. Oh well.

Steve and I move in together in 3 weeks. Well, he moves in Saturday, I move in in 3 weeks. So, last night we went shopping for some apartment necessities: a dish drying rack, a nice garbage can that you don't have to touch, and a dust buster. We succeeded in making our first purchase together. We bought a dish drying rack. We both found the huge display of them in Target and pondered over them for 10 minutes before picking out this one. I feel happy. Oh, we also bought a recipe box. I feel very grown up. This is really happening. We visited our apartment on Saturday and it didn't suck!!! I'm used to these people 9 foot ceilings with crown molding and garden tubs. This has like 7 or 8 foot ceilings and small bathtubs I can't fit into. But it was nice (minus the huge dead roach in the middle of a bedroom). I get my own craft room/office!!! I get a shoe closet!!! I get to wake up to Steve's squished up face every morning. Does life get better than this?

updates

2007-03-20T00:48:08Z

So I made an appointment with a doctor. I am going to get my nose checked out, as well as other things. Kate's husband, Chris, has a deviated septum and has to go through surgery this week. Apparently it's very expensive. Maybe I won't go through with it. I don't know. That's a pretty big deal. I guess I'll see what the doc says. And I'm also going to get my anemia checked out and my anxiety. I had a mini-anxiety/panic attack Friday night. I'm sure I freaked Steve out. I started to hyperventilate. I saw the movie "Children of Men" and it scared the shit out of me. It is by far the most bleak movie I have ever seen. It makes me want to slit my wrists (not really). It makes me want to try to lobby for a recycling area in my complex, though. And then I started to freak out about what would happen if my parents died. Then I started to freak out about my new job (I'll go into details about that later). I then started to freak out about moving in with Steve. And then after I freaked out about all that, I started to freak out that Steve would leave me because I was crazy. Sigh. That's a lot of freaking out for a night. Oh, and then Steve started to freak out because I freaked out about moving in with him. Needless to say, I need to get something for my anxiety.

and I will definitely need something for my anxiety to help me with my new job. Yup, it's another new job for me. I changed schools already once this year. I am now jumping ship to start up my own high school with my old API from East Meck. I will be the one and only counselor there with him. He asked me to come over with him, so I agreed. There is also a hefty raise and signing bonus! I will be the new counselor at the Math and Sciences high school at Garinger. I will be dealing with about 200 freshmen and sophomores, which is much better than my 240 seniors or 500 freshmen. I'm relieved, and stressed. I was so anxious at East that I got a stomach ache every single morning. Well, I'm in charge now, which is scary as shit. I'll be going to all the department chair meetings. I'll be organizing the orientations and PSAT nights and possibly all the testing. Geez. No stress for my second year. But, I can mold the department the way I like. I can even buy all new clothes to make me look more mature! Oh, I've lost a total of 13 pounds now! Only 15 more to go!!! So, I'll also be thin then!

So that's me. Oh, and I am desperately trying to get back into crafting. I think I need to kill my TV. It6 drives me crazy!!! I am so addicted to it!!! When I hang out with Steve, I just want to watch all his TiVo. I mean, I am addicted to TV!!! We'll see if I can pull myself away from it. Maybe tonight I can try to organize my yarn while I watch 24. We'll see.

Okay, I gotta get ready for bed and then watch me some 24! I'm so addicted to that show.

By the way, it feels very weird to be writing on my livejournal. It's been so long. i'm not sure I enjoy writing my life down for people. I feel I tell so many people what's going on that it's just redundant. I wish I was cool enough to show off some photos, but alas, I am not. Damn tv takes up my computer time.

Gotta go!!! Love you all!

damn

2007-03-16T01:19:58Z

I think I have a deviated septum. My nose is crooked and something on one side looks swollen. I then looked at photos of deviated septums and they looked like my nose (despite the hairyness of those noses). I'm freaking out now. Do I need surgery? I guess this is forcing me to go to a doctor. Damn.

He loves me

2007-02-12T02:40:24Z

Yup, Steve loves me. He told me yesterday. As Meghan so aptly responded, "It's about damn time!"

I had a good weekend, in case you couldn't tell.

I'm in love!!

Will you feel better?

2007-02-01T01:19:04Z

I've been having a crap time at work lately and have been so exhausted because of it. In fact, I'm going to a doctor soon to see if my fatigue is normal or abnormal...especially since I'm uber-thirsty all the time. so, during my stressed days, I call or e-mail Steve to rant. Today I ranted a bit more than usual, I guess. I get a call at 7:45 from him asking if I had a few minutes to talk. He then asks if he could open the door. He shows up with a beautiful bouquet of flowers for me. They are mainly purple and pink flowers and they made my entire night. He is the best!!! I have the best boyfriend in the world. And he wore the hat that I knit him that only goes with one sweater he owns (which he bought to match the hat). Good boyfriend, huh?

Well, back to work I go. Damn scholarships.

random updates

2006-09-16T20:10:49Z

So, work has been going pretty well. I have been at workshops a bit this past week so I missed 2 whole days of work. Score! I love workshops. But, that means there is so much more work waiting for me when I get back. Boo. I have a kid who got suspended and will probably go to the alternative school (again). I had a student flirt with me while I was trying to get his classes fixed. He kept asking me about how I like being a counselor and being at East. then we talked a bit about the mountains. He's a nice kid. I joined the Faculty Fit Club along with another counselor. Hopefully this will give me motivation to lose weight. I've been really slacking on that lately. I've been eating just about anything and not exercising as much since I get so exhausted from work.

Buffy kinda made friends with my neighbor's dog. I held Buffy while Dustin held Tootsie. They sniffed each other. There was no hissing or scratching. The 2nd time they met, Tootsie kept trying to lick Buffy, and she did not like that. Buffy started to hiss. But this is progress from the time when she beat up KC. and I discovered that Buffy has dandruff. So, I tried to give her a bath last night. She was not happy and the bath never happened. I guess I'll take her to PetsMart to get her bathed and to have her claws clipped.

Tonight is my second date with Steve. We are going to The Dish for dinner, then to The Perch for a comedy show, and then probably to Thomas St. for drinks unless we are tired of each other by then. We talked Wednesday and Thursday night on the phone. He's really cute. I really want to go to his first kickball game Sunday, but I promised I'd wait. I totally feel like a high schooler going to see her boy play in the big football game....except this is a bunch of adults playing kickball. Oh, and damn Dustin still has like 5 of my CDs. I forgot to get them back from him last time I saw him. Bastard. I mean, I don't mind that he gave me the fade since I didn't like him, but I want my CDs.

I washed my car yesterday. I never do that. I mean, I think this is the first time I have actually washed the car all by myself since I got it in 2002. Usually I'd go through a car wash or have my dad wash it for me. I went to Target with Cam and bought a bucket, some car wash soap, some ArmorAll wipes, and a special sponge. It took me a bit over an hour to complete it, but it is very clean. I washed it, cleaned the tires, did all the windows, vacuumed the interior, threw all the garbage away, and Armor Alled the entire thing. I even got to vacuum up the spilled kitty litter from the trunk. I feel great. It was awesome driving a clean car to the gym today. I deserve a pat on the back.

And I splurged yesterday and bought the CD from Ok Go. I bought it purely b/c their new video is awesome. It gives me minutes of joy every time I watch it...and the song is pretty good. I had a blast at the gym today actually running on a treadmill while the song was playing. Ah, if only the treadmills weren't all in the same direction.

Okay, gotta go make me super pretty for my date. What do you think? Jeans, a cute top, and flats? Jeans, a cute top, and silver or black heels? A skirt? Ot Zach's vote, a towel?

yay

2006-09-14T01:28:07Z

I have another date with Steve, the librarian. I'm mucho excited. We're going to dinner at The Dish and then off to The Perch for some improv comedy. He called me tonight and we chatted for a bit until he had to go play trivia with the library bunch. How cute is that??? And he has his first kickball game Sunday and I joked that I was going to come see him play. I agreed to wait a few weeks so they can get good...or at least get uniforms. He's cute. I like him. He said he'd call me tomorrow to solidify plans. Wish me luck!

my weekend

2006-09-11T00:12:01Z

I had a date this weekend. Last ngiht I went out with this guy from match.com...Steve. We e-mailed a couple of times and he called me Friday to make plans. He seemed pretty witty over the phone. I walk up to Philosopher's Stone. I see him waiting. He's realyl cute. He's tall with brown hair and glasses. He hugs me and tells me that I look beautiful and comments on how my hair is different from my pictures. I tell him that he's really cute. His reponse was: "I never hear that. Most people say that I'm a troll." Yup, he's funny and witty. We met at 7:00 and stayed until 1:30 am. We went through veggie quesadillas and 5 beers each. For some reason I wasn't even drunk after those beers. We just talked for the entire time. I think he even said that he liked me. There were some awkward moments. There were pauses between exchanging stories where we had no idea what to say. He is very animated with his gestures and different voices. That has the possibility of getting to be too much. He's a bit of a geek. He's a librarian at CPCC. He's smart and funny and cute and has the same taste in music and movies as I do. He said he would be my concert buddy. He also joined a kickball team, which I find very humorous. He told me I could watch his games. How cute would that be? I'd be the girl sitting on the bleachers or stands, cheering for my man. Yeah, I hate sports, but I can find joy in a bunch of adults playing kick-ball. He insisted of paying for everything, which was nice. I did the nice thing and offered to pay for my half. I think he and I make about the same amount, so splitting bills is probably the right thing to do. He asked me if he could walk me to my car. And he did and he kissed me. He's a pretty good kisser. He ddn't slobber or stick his tongue down my throat. They were just sweet kisses. And he e-mailed me today, saying he had a good time. He said he'd talk to me in a few days.

So now I have to make a decision. To have sex or not to have sex. At the end of the date he said something like, "So I guess coming over to your place is out of the question." He said that since I am pet and house sitting. I think I might like this guy. If so, I think I should hold out a little before I sleep with him. I might have to break the 3 date rule. Eh, we'll see. I'm just excited to see him again. He's tall and is larger than me. He's cute with nice teeth, nice skin, and cute glasses. I think I do like him.

Big news

2006-09-08T01:25:17Z

I got cable. As of 7:15 tonight, I got cable. I now have cable. In 2 weeks I'll have a tv in my bedroom with cable as well...and a DVD player. I doubt I'll ever get out of my apartment. I no longer have to go to the gym to watch tv. So far I have watched "House Hunters" on HGTV and a couple of episodes of "Extreme Makeovers." I love it. I am watchinf Fox now and I no longer have to adjust the rabbit ears every 4 minutes. Oh, have you ever seen the show "Duets?" It's the funniest thing ever! Celebrities get to attempt to sing on TV with famous singers. Chris Jericho was voted off last week. So sad. I'm voting for Hal Sparks.

Okay, the computer is taking away from my valuable tv time.

okay day

2006-08-29T01:54:43Z

Today was another long day filled with scheduling. The horror was broken up by amusing anecdotes about stupid kids who have no idea how to read theri schdules or who try to change classes they specifically asked for. I had one moment when I felt like crying when a coworker was trying to explain something to me and I just couldn't understand and she said, "I just don't know how else to explain this to you," and walked away. I know she was in a abd mood and tired of doing work for students who are not hers, but still. So, I was in a semi-pissy mood and felt bad for always asking someone a question about little things I didn't know. I felt like an annoyance. Then it comes to be 3:00. The EC department chair comes to ask me a question about a student. I answer his question and we discuss the student. He then tells me I am so much better than the person who used to be in that office. He could have been really nice and referred to the lady I replaced. Or he could have be joking and was trying to piss off Betsy, who used to be in that office but moved to the one next door. I'd like to think he meant it in the former way. So, I kinda got a compliment today from a coworker.

Okay, I'm tired. I have lots of work to do tomorrow and students coming early to see me. Fun fun.

Can we take the next hour and talk about me?

2006-08-27T04:32:17Z

Or can you take the next 5 or 10 minutes and read about me? Whatever.

I just got home and can finally relax after a very long week. "Wait, it's Saturday," you say. "Don't you start relaxing on Friday?" Well, not really, apparently.

This week wasn't that bad. It was just long. I worked last Saturday for 4 hours. I worked Monday from 9:30 until 8 pm. I worked tuesday. Wednesday I worked over 14 hours. Thursday I worked until 4 or so. Friday I also worked normal hours. I had to go into work today for a few hours. They let me know that the school would be open for me Sunday if I wanted to come and work. I had to hold myself back from laughing in their faces.

Work hasn't been that hard. I got a great e-mail from an extremely gracious parent. I had a conversation with a non-so gracious parent. I met a few kids. I started to set up my office. I realized that having the office in the back is bad. First, I get all the noise from people talking by the copy machine. Second, if I am in the front room and forget something, I have a long way to walk to my office and then back to the front room. Third, I miss out on conversations that happen with all the other counselors b/c I am so far away. Damn this office. Oh, and there is no window, so I feel like i'm in a prison. Yippee!!!

Last night I tried to relax by going out for beers with Meg and Cam. By 11:00, we were all falling asleep. Sucky. I planned on getting wasted. Instead, I got a little bit tipsy and very sleepy. Oh well. I thought I could relax today. i woke up at 8 to get ready to go to work. I work from 10 until 1ish. We have a parent practically break into our offices to try to get his daughter's schedule fixed. Um, hello? Do we look open? I mean, our windows are dark and the doors are locked. Take a hint. And since some counselors didn't come in, we were somewhat expected to cover their slack. Um, no. After work I grab lunch with 2 counselors. I feel so left out of the conversation. It was so awkward. I hated it. Oh well.

Then it was time for shopping with Meghan. We got a lot accomplished. She got some pants. I got some awesome stuff for my office, as well as this dress I've been drooling over at Banana. It was originally $168 and I got it for $30. I kick ass. It kicks ass. I realized that my pretty purse was ruining my clothes. Apparently it rubs against the fabric and makes the fabric pill. Icky. So I bought a faux white leather purse that is awesome...and smooth!!! After several exhausting hours, we get back to Meghan's house. I go to my car to put my bags away. I notice a bunch of scratches on it. Then I noptice more scratches...and then more scratches!!! They were all pretty shallow scratches, but there were tons there! I could not remember what could have caused those. Then I remembered. Last night when we left the bar, there was an "altercation" in the parking lot and 2 police men were out there. The "altercation" occurred next to my car. I'm guessing that someone was leaning against my car and scratched it up with a belt or jeans. Not good. I started to cry. I was so tired and so exhausted and PMSing. I cried. Meg and I spent 30 minutes calling the police, the bar, and my insurance company. Basically, nothing can happen. I have to pay to get it fixed. The police can do nothing. I have a $250 deductible. I'm screwed. My pretty car is not so pretty anymore. Within 1 year, it was hit in a parking lot twice and not fixed. Then last year it was hit in the parking lot and fixed...badly. Now this!!! Poor car is getting beat up.

Anyways, I was completely bummed. And then I started to think. Thinking is bad. I think too much. And I was thinking that the only person I had to comfort me in Meg. I had no guy to come home to. Hell, I have no roommate to come home to. All I have is a damn cat that beats me up. During the week when I am exhausted, I vent to Ben on the phone b/c there is nobody here. No wonder counselors need their own counselors. I would go crazy. I might go crazy. I don't know if I can handle this job and my life all on my own. I haven't been able to exercise this week,. which is a normal stress-reliever for me. I either have no time or I pass out before I make it to the gym. I've been eating crap all week. I've just been in a pissy mood and this damn car thing made it all worse. Meg made me dinner and I just kept crying. I want things to be good. I want to not cry all the time. I want to be able to handle normal stressors. I handle my job just fine. So far I haven't cried at work, which is a new thing for me. 2 other people have broken down so far. Not me. Hopefully I can keep that up at work and only break down at home. But who do I have to turn to? Who will hug me and hold me as I cry? Nobody, really. Hah, what a pathetic thought.

But Meg and I then went to the movies to try to distract me. We saw "Little Miss Sunshine." It was the best fucking movie I have seen in a long time. I cannot recall a movie that made me laugh so hard I cried. It was on and off humorous until the end when the entire audience lost it. I mean, I laughed so hard I cried. It was hilarious. The casting was fabulous. Everything about it was great. I loved every minute of it.

But now I am home. My legs ache. The scratches are still all over my car. I am still home alone in my messy apartment with a cat who tries to beat me up. I have dishes to do and laundry to do. I need to find my bills in my mess and pay them. I need to sleep. I need to sleep for as long as I possibly can...as long as it doesn't go past 11:00. Then I go to the gym, work out for 2 hours, and then watch Project Runway with Kate. Ah, to have cable. I keep saying I'm going to get cable. I go to the website to order it, and when it says it can't eb installed for another 2 weeks, I get discouraged. I then remember a coupon I can get through CMS and I put it off b/c I'm too busy during work to call HR about the coupon and it's a viscious cycle that will make me not be able to watch Project Runway at my apartment ever!!!

Oh, another good moment today was when I went to Banana. Everyone hugged me. They were all so happy to see me. My manager Greg was on the phone and made a point to hug me. It felt great. I miss that place, but I'm too exhausted to work there as well. Hopefully I can get back in there in a couple of weeks.

Thanks for reading. I need to get some sleep. i'm exhausted. Hopefully I won't dream about scheduling tonight. I probably will.

Meme madness

2006-08-26T04:20:37Z

Instructions: Answer the questions by clicking play on your music player and paste the song title for each question, remember it's on shuffle, you don't decide, it does, SO NO CHEATING!:

1. YOU'RE* BEING CHASED BY AN GIANT SQUID! "Spam" by Save Ferris. Maybe Giant Squids hate Spam. I mean, Spam scares me.

2. You meet Itachi for the first time and you scream: "Shiny Happy People," by REM. That's a way to scare Itachi.

3. You see Batman at the beach and he proclaims: "Hotel California," by The Eagles. Maybe he lost his hotel and is hoping that it'll answer him.

4. You dance in the rain to: "Missing You" by Imogen Heap.

5. The Monster has his poison claws to your neck. "Any last words?" "Yes," you choke: "She's The One," by Robbie Williams. Yup, I'd try to distract the monster by making him go after another girl.

6. Your surfing music: "I Love Rock and Roll" by Joan Jett. Are there any jukeboxes in the ocean?

7. You have your own anthem it is: "Goodnight Goodnight" by Hot Hot Heat. My theme song is about me dumping guys. Sure.

8. Michael Jackson sits down on a bus beside you. He says: "Lovefool" by The Cardigans. And then I run away.

9. Your secret crush asks you out, you reply: "Ain't Got Time," by Far Too Jones. That sucks. I can't be too busy to go out with my crush.

10. A bear starts to attack you. You cry out: "Feelin' Groovy." Maybe it will help the bear make the moment last.

is it Friday yet?

2006-08-22T02:23:49Z

I am already exhausted...and it's only Monday. I got into work today at 9:30. Most counselors said they were coming around 11 or 12 since we have to stay late. But, since I am behind on my students' schedules, I had to get in there relatively on time. I stayed there until almost 8:00. It was horrible. I spent most of my time in front of my computer in my dark office typing in stuff. I got up to pee and ask a few questions, and that's basically it. I ate my lunch in 5 minutes at my desk. dinner consisted of me driving to Bojangles and eating half of my food on the way back to school. Most of the counselors went out to eat, but I didn't have the time.

I have to be at work tomorrow at 7 am. I have a family coming at 7:30 to register a student. I have 2 other families coming in as well. I called 2 seniors to come talk to me about their schedules since I can't figure out how to give them all of their classes. And those are the only students i know about!!! I'm sure there are tons of other families that will come in, needing to register. I have families in from out of state and need to assign them classes and grades and I don't know how to do that. I am already exhausted. I doubt I'll get a decent lunch tomorrow. I plan on working 7-5. That's no fun. People usually work 8-5 and get an hour lunch break. I get random pee breaks and can eat my sandwich at my desk. I have like 200 or so schedules to go over. All of these need to be done before Friday and in between registering new students.

I can't wait for the weekend. I am going to sleep, work out, and get trashed. Yup, Saturday night I plan on drinking so much I might actually puke...or maybe forget what happened this week.

I hope everyone else is having a good week. Oh, and isn't my ID badge the cutest?? I wish I could blow up and frame that photo.

crap

2006-08-18T03:07:27Z

So today was a pretty pointless day at work. I felt like crap this morning and wasn't even sure if I could make it to work. Somehow the 30 minute drive seemed way too long to go without a bathroom break. I magically made it there, limping to my office since it hurt to stand up straight. I still had no kepys to my office, so someone had to let me in. I managed to hobble over to the cafeteria for the breakfast, which i didn't eat. I smiled pretty as some high schooler took my picture and asked me who my favorite super hero is.

I sat through a boring meeting. I was introduced and I got some wonderful responses on my Buffy the Vampire Slayer answer to my favorite superhero. It totally beat all the girls who said Wonder Woman. Then, we headed to our offices. I realized I couldn't get onto my computer or NC Wise. Then all the counselors went on NC Wise and it froze....for the rest of the day. I did manage to get my voice mail set up and answer my first phone call. I got my first voice mail message, but it was only from Betsy, another counselor. I got my alphabet. I am the counselor for letters Brp - E. Who the hell has the last name that starts with Brp? Since NC Wise was down, I get the lucky job of coming in Saturday and perhaps some night next week. Yippee!!!

I then came home and went to the gym despite my ab pains. I managed to work out, which was good. I leg presed 240 today. Not too shabby. I kept getting a cramp in my left foot, though. Not too good. I came home, had dinner, and then calculated my calories for the day. Since my damn doctor told me I was overweight and needed to lose weight, I decided to go on a 1500 calorie diet. I tried to stick to that before and it really worked. Granted I was starving by day 4, so I quit that diet. Hopefully I can stick to it. Unfortunately, I went over my calories by 800 today. That's a lot!!! And that's still less than I normall eat. I never factored in all the ice cream and chips I usually eat. So, I am completely depressed now. I just annoyed the crap out of Ben whining to him and shooting down all his solutions. I basically need to shrink my stomach so I'm not that hungry. I need to cut out fried food and pasta. No more pad thai. No more cheeseburgers and fries. Life is over as we know it. Hopefully it will all pay off and I will lose weight. I hate being one of those girls obsessed with her weight, but I am. I mean, a doctor has now told me to lose weight. I kinda need to worry about it. Sucky. Anyone have any suggestions on low-calorie foods? How about good recipes for vegetables? I hate vegetables.

Okay, I'm off to bed, to sleep anxiously until I awake to check the scales to see if I lost any weight yet. Fingers crossed!!!

weekend notes

2006-08-13T22:43:04Z

I had this weekend off. It was wonderful. I loved every minute of it. I loved not working. It was fantastic. Here are some hilites!

-I got my hair cut. It looks basically the same, but it's pretty. I love my new hairdresser. I feel prettier.

-I thoroughly hate my neighbors upstairs. I was on the porch yesterday, talking on the phone, and saw a gigantic pice of a toe nail on my table. Apparently the people upstairs sweep everything off their porch and things fall b/w the cracks of their porch and onto my porch. This is usually cogarette ashes, but it's not toenails. Icky.

-I made my famous artichoke dip for Meghan's birthday party. It was to die for!!! I also made these awesome pita triangles to go with the dip. Also fantastic. I could have sat by that dish all night, eating the entire thing. I didn't though.

-We played Apples to Apples at Meghan's birthday. It is now my favorite game of all time. Everyone has 7 cards that have a noun written on them. The leader puts down a card with an adjective on it. Every player must put down a card that corresponds with that adjective, either using a direct correlation or using sick humor. Then one person judges to see which one is the best. Here are the best parts of the game:
-the Adjective was "Overwhelming." Meghan puts down "Celine Dion." It did not win. It would have won if I was judging.
-the Adjective was "Neglected." I won with "Choir Boys." That's really a golden ticket. Choir Boys can be used for pretty much any adjective and it's funny.
-the Adjective was "Outrageous." I won with "Tom Cruise." Need say more???

-I attempted to finish Tania's t-shirt dress. It looked like crap. It would take too much time to finish it. Oh well.

I think that's it. I need to mop the floors now and prep for tomorrow. I have orientation from 7:30 until noon. Then I swing by some lady's house to pick up her house key for when I house sit (btw, I'm getting $50 just to sleep at her house and take care of her dogs for a night. hell yeah!). I then go to NCWISE orientation fron 1-5. I need to make an appointment to get my physical done sometime then. Perhaps I can workout if I haven't passed out by then. Geez. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate working?

I hate working

2006-08-12T03:10:06Z

I came to the conclusion this week that I hate working. I know, we all hate going to work. But I REALLY hate working.

I started my new job this week. I had to get up at 6:30 to get ready and drive across town to my school. I complained every minute of it. What am I going to do when I actually have to be at work at 6:30?? That'll be no fun. I'm already dreading Monday when I have to be there at 7:15 for orientation.

I worked a lazy day Tuesday from 8-2. I worked Wednesday from 8-11:30 and then worked at Banan from 12-5. I complained. I came home and took a nap...or I did something else. I remember! I managed to get home, have a bite to eat, then go to the gym, shower, talk to my mom, watch Project Runway with Kate, finish up laundry before passing out at 11:30. I worked Thursday from 8-1, then at Banana from 2-6. I complained as well. I ran some errands before going to Meghan and Zach's to have them cook me dinner as we watched "Bull Durham." Today I had stupid orientation from 9-11 and then drug testing. I came home, had lunch and passed out. I worked out, came home and had dinner, and have been crafting and cleaning ever since. I worked on paying my bills and realized I cannot get organized. I am paying half of them late. I am so not prepared for this. I can't be a working adult who wakes up at 5:30 and manages to work out 5 days a week, cook dinner, keep an apartment clean and manage to keep my cat alive. That is way too much work for me. How can I possibly work at Banana as well??? Thank Buddha I do not have a boyfriend that I have to spent time with. Granted I have a cat who beats me up when I'm not home often. Stupid cat.

Ok, it's time for do the dishes, clean the kitchen, then work on the dress I am graciously making for my sister. It's going to look like crap, I know.

Sigh.

I survived

2006-08-08T22:19:04Z

Today was my first day at my new job. I went to bed before 11 to prep. I barely slept. I had weird dreams that I cannot remember and I woke up all the time. I finally drag myself out of bed at 6:30, yawning. I get dressed. I put on some black pants and some top. I realize that I didn't like my top, so I changed. I am wearing black pants, a black cami, and a teal tank top over it. I looked awesome (I think). I made myself breakfast, but even though I was hugnry, I was full. It was odd. I get ready, put on heels, and am out the door. It takes me 30 minutes to get to work. I really detest charlotte now. I am going to try to find an apartment closer to work. I hate the commute. I get there, clueless as to where to go. I get introduced to all the counselors that were there. I absically end up shadowing counselors the entire time there. I am sure I was a total nuisance. They were registering kids. I had no idea what to do. I watched them. I felt like I was getting in the way. I felt like a damn intern again. Sigh. I had no idea what to do. I actually end up meeting with a few parents to get their kids registered. I just need to be thrown into it to get comfortable. Maybe I can see some students tomorrow and Thursday. That would be exciting.

Oh, I decided that I was a bit overdressed so I ditched the heels. They were killing me anyways. i ended up wearing my trusty silver sandals. Everyone there was pretty casual. I mean, the registrar was wearing shorts!!! I think I'm going to work out just fine. It was funny, though. I got in there and people called me their fitting room girl, since that's basically how I got the job.

I end up talking to the counselor that I am replacing a whole bunch. She gave me her entire caseload and explained some kids to her that I need to watch. She told me that her first 2 years there, she would stay until about 5 almost everyday! Yikes!!! I mean, if you start a job at 6:45, barely take 30 minutes for lunch, and then work until 5 or 5:30, you get burned out. No wonder she's leaving!!! It looks like Banana just might not happen, which sucks since I really need the money. I did a mock budget last night and realize I am going to end up with barely any money at the end of the month. Another reason to move....cheaper apartment!!! Maybe I can just look for a sugar daddy.

And then there was the issue of the office. I didn't officially get my office today. I semi-claimed one. There are 2 free ones and in September, another one will free up. There is one that has a window, but it comes with all the scholarships and a leaky ceiling with mold. There is another one with no window, but no scholarships or mold. I'm not sure if I am going to have to do scholarships or not. That will add a good 10-20 hours on my work week, unfortunately. Sigh. So I claimed the case load of the counselor in the leaky breezy office and took the windowless office. It's dark and dreary, but it's large enough. It's also near the copiers, so I'm sure people will bug me all the time.

But so far, I survived. I am going in for like 3 or 4 hours tomorrow. Then I go in from 8-1 Thursday before I go to work until maybe 8. Sigh. Long fucking week. I need sleep. I took a nap today instead of going to the gym. Probably a bad idea, but oh well. now I am going to get a few beers to wash away the day and prep for the rest of the week and to help induce sleep. We'll see if it works.

I am officially Ms. Faccone of Each Meck. I have an office....214-F. I will have an e-mail and phone extension and mailbox and little plaque with my name on it. Go me!

cloudy143 @ 2006-08-07T21:33:00

2006-08-08T01:33:47Z

This weekend I ran off to Chapel Hill/Durham/Cary for a fantastic weekend full of fun and frolic. I totally needed this weekend after my Thursday of lonely misery. I convinced my manager to let me off 20 minutes early on Saturday so I could grab food and get on the road as soon as possible. I knew that everyone was going out fairly early and I might have missed them. So, I high-tail it to Chapel Hill. On my way I see this car next to me and there's this decently cute guy driving it. so, we end up driving "together" for like 30 minutes. Then he smiled and was missing some teeth. I tried to get away. I clowed down. He slowed down. I sped up. He sped up. I called Alison. I slowed down more and then made a quick turn on an exit and got Bojangles.

so I get to Alison and there are already some people there. More people kept showing up. So, both Lauras were there, Erin was there, Alison and Jason, Jason's sister Lauren, and some more people. We sit down to play drinking games. We are in the middle of one and 2 people walk in...Kathy, who went to high school with Alison, Erin, and Laura, and Mike Weiss!!! Apparently Mike went to law school with Kathy. Small world. So we stayed and drank there a bit, then went to Bub's. I sat with Alison and Jason in Justin's truck, hayride style. It was such a beautiful night. So we spent the night drinking at various establishments. Let me just say that Lucy's uses disgusting vodka and my drinks there sucked. But I was drunk!!! We thought about going skinny dipping, but we were way too tired to do that.

So after a restless night of sleep, Alison made me kick-ass coffee at Chez Brenner. I then met Erin for some lunch and shopping. Ah, good old Spotted Dog. Super yummy. I then met Eric to visit his house and have our wonderful day together. I got to see his dog, Bailey, who I haven't seen since he was really little back in 2001 or 2002. We got manis and pedis. We were slightly disappointed at the remaining callouses on our heels. Oh well. then Eric got me to eat sushi. It wasn't that bad. I don't think I'll be going out every night for sushi...or every month for that matter....but I thought it was okay. I didn't gag it up like last time!!! He took pictures of me and everything. It was a triumphant moment. And I ate a roll with fish eggs!!! They were red and little and baby fishes. Kinda icky.

So then we went to see Fiona Apple. The Cary Ampitheatre is gorgeous!!! It was wooded and there were plenty of places to sit. We had a lawn chair and some towels and just sat down and chilled. Eric got some scotch and I got some ice cream. It was a wonderful experience minus the weird girls who sat in front of us who decided to stand the entire time and dance badly. But the show was great. the weather was wonderful. It was nearly perfect.

Then I got to hang out with Eric and Jeff. We reminisced about college. I totally miss Chapel Hill and everyone. Hopefully they can come visit me sometimes. I am definitely going to try to visit there once a month. I need to work out my finances and quit Banana, but I'll work it out. We also talked about kick-ass tv shows and I think I might get cable tomorrow. It might cut down on my boredom. I just had such a good time. It was so hard to come back today. Oh, and I ran into my old roommate from Freshman year, Ashley. We have known each other since we were 3. We went to pre-school together and then high school together. We got on each others' nerves towards the end of our time together, but it was so good to see her. She's married and in nursing school. It made me want to come back even more.

So now I'm home. I start my job tomorrow. I'm scared shitless, but at least I'll get paid and can take more vacations...or more weekends away. Who knows? Maybe in a year I can buy a house. That's unlikely. but at least I can dream.

yikes

2006-07-26T04:14:25Z

So Nathan and I just talked online. He wants to meet up with me soon to hang out. Shit. I don't know how to handle this. Since I lsaw saw him, I've slept with 2 other guys. I guess we last saw each other over a month ago. I think it was shortly after my birthday. We're going to hang out. I have no idea what to do or what to tell him. Do I tell him I've moved on? Do I want to try things with him again? I'm not going to sleep with him since i'm sleeping with dustin. Or can I? Oh fuck. I hate this. I can't juggle guys. I'm not good at that.

And I also tried to delete my online person ads and they wouldn't let me? I was able to hide one, but one says i already deactivated it, which is not true. and now I can't figure out how to reactive it. This sucks.

I'm a mess. I need some sleep.

better

2006-07-26T02:05:15Z

I feel better today. I'm still tired and not jumping up for joy, but i'm better. I stopped crying yesterday after I got off the phone with Cami. Meghan came over and we pigged out on pizza and ice cream as we watched (and mocked) "Clueless." It was exactly what I needed. I needed a girls' night of doing nothing important. Meghan really took my mind off of everything. I took some allergy medication and went to sleep. I slept in until 10:30 when Buffy started to beat me up. I weighed myself when I woke up to realize that none of the junk food I ate last night actually affected my weight. I suppose wallow weight doesn't count. I went to the gym, but I didn't really feel like working out. There were lots of people there and not enough room to do weights or abs or stretching. Damn small gym. So I had lunch and went to work for a whopping 2 hours. I had several people tell me how happy they were to see me. and I found a kick-ass cheap pair of shoes at Banana that actually fit my ginormous feet! It was a good day. I went to Earth Fare to get some of my yippe organic food. I made a wonderful dinner and now am bored out of my mind. Tomorrow night is Project Runway with Kate. Thursday night is either beer night with Dustin or Curb night with Michael. I haven't heard from Dustin yet. It's funny. I don't hear from Dustin but hear from Nathan. Oh well. I guess I'll fix my shirt and maybe even make my sis's t-shirt dress! It'll get better. Life will get better and easier one day. Maybe if I say that over and over I'll believe that.

It happened again

2006-07-24T03:45:11Z

I just got back from Dustin's about an hour ago. I went there late last night, driving through a fucking storm to get there. I get there and we have to go get him dinner. He doesn't unlock the car door for me. I noticed that. I'm not sure why since he makes a point of doing that everytime. I didn't point it out. We got back to his place and snuggled up on the couch to watch a movie. After that we had sex and then went to sleep. We both slept on and off until like 1:30 when we woke up. Well, I was awake earlier than that b/c I thought we were going to the zoo. turns out we missed the zoo and it was perfect weather to go there. We ended up having sex again before we got up. We had some food, went to a movie, and went back to his place for more sex. We then talked about relationships. We discussed our pasts and whatnot. Then he said that he wasn't sure if this was the best time to bring this up, but he wasn't looking for a serious relationship. So basically, I layed there naked in bed with him for him to tell me that he didn't want anything more than for us to hang out and have sex. I mean, I totally understand him getting out of a very long relationship in like February and then going right back into one. But still!!! How was I supposed to react? He told me he would understand if I didn't want to talk to him again. That fucking hurt as well b/c he basically said that I'm nice, but not that important and he won't really miss me.

Fucking a. i'm all blubbery now. I don't understand it. I know we just met. i'm not totally crazy about him yet. I don't need to talk to him or see him everyday. It doesn't make it any easier. This seems to be a trend with me. The last actual boyfriend I had was Jeremy, and that was almost 3 years ago. Before that I really only had Dave in college, and that lasted a whopping 8 months. It seems that every guy I date says the same thing. Mike just never called me again and moved. Rob didn't seem to want a relationship. Andy definitely told me he didn't want a serious relationship, then he gets into a serious relationship 2 weeks later. I get to Charlotte. John never commits to anything, despite us talking on the phone every day and sleeping together. Nathan doesn't turn out to be anything, since we only saw each other once every 3 weeks. Kevin didn't want a relationship. Not this guy. I don't get it. and then I ahd to lay there naked, saying that what he's said is alright. I then try to prove I am better than his girls in the past. It sucked. I came home bummed out. I mean, he acts as if he likes me. He tells me i'm pretty and says what a great time he has had. We hadn't make plans for another date b/c of his busy work schedule. I suggested we go to the zoo Saturday since we didn't make it there today. He told me he would be working.

Is it me? Is there something about me that guys see and think, "hey! she's nice. I'll fuck her a few times and then tell her I don't want a serious relationship,"? Is this a trend that will continue? Will I always be with guys who just want to fool around and "hang out." I don't get it. I think I'm pretty damn awesome. I would make a wonderful girlfriend! I mean, I like my freedom as well so I know I won't be all possessive and controlling. Was is it? Can someone just tell me what the fuck is wrong with me so I can fix it and move on???

I'm fucking exhausted. Now I have to go to fucking work tomorrow and have people ask me how my zoo trip was. I just want to sleep for a few days and forget about it. Why can't I just go with the flow and see if something comes of it? I don't fucking know. Damn fucking flow.